Lost Chance for Love
by ChocolateDragon15
Summary: The night after Doyle dies, Cordelia thinks back to what she just lost plz R&R. Mild angst.


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Lost chance for Love

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from "Angel"

A/N: I was watching reruns on FOX and I had to watch **Doyle die AGAIN**! This was written the next day using my emotions and feelings toward Doyle's death as Cordelia. Doyle was one of my favorite characters so I am writing this 1chapter fic to honor him. I hope that they bring him back at least for one episode. I know not many people may read this since Doyle had been killed off the show so long ago, but this fic is just to make me feel better after watching that episode again. This has mild angst. 

Cordelia sat on the couch crying quietly while watching the commercial she and Doyle had made together to promote Angel's detective business. It was all she had left of him. She had watched it about 15 times tonight and had committed his facial features and appealing voice to memory. 

All she could think about was never noticing the signs that Doyle was in love with her until recently, and even then it wasn't until he had saved her that she actually thought of him fondly in that way. Doyle was thoughtful and not too bad on the eyes once Cordelia thought about it. 

Her mind kept replaying last night events in her head over and over. She had slapped him a few times for not letting her know that he was half-demon. They had finally agreed to a date together. Now all that was left was to have these half-breeds shipped off to New Guinea. 

Angel showed up on a motorcycle and insisted that they needed to leave right away, and then out of nowhere the pure bloods came with a machine with white light that would kill anything with human blood. The pure bloods had locked them in, and there was no way out. The only options were that everyone died, or one person had to overload the machine before it reached full capacity; that person would die. Everyone inside the ship had some human blood in them: the captain, Cordelia, Angel, Doyle, and about 20 half-breed demons. Angel was heading toward the machine when Doyle punched him, and Angel fell to the bottom of the boat with the other half-breeds. 

"I finally understand now, why someone would be willing to risk their life for this cause." Doyle whispered.

There was something in Doyle's voice that made Cordy uneasy. Doyle looked tentatively into Cordelia's brown eyes and his soft and velvet lips met hers in a firm kiss. Their tongues mingled and then Doyle broke it off.

"To bad we'll never know if you could ever learn to love a face like this." He said as he changed into his demon form. With on last look, he drank in Cordelia, and then jumped towards the machine.

The kiss had made Cordelia weak in the knees; she couldn't talk, or move. She couldn't even respond. She wanted to run after him, she wanted to tell him how much he meant to her. She wanted more time with him. "Wait, I love you, you idiot! This can't be happening, not now! Let someone else do it. Someone who doesn't mean as much to me!" her mind screamed as she watched him grab a cord and hold it up to the machine controls. The light was growing brighter and bigger.

Doyle started to shake, the machine finally overloaded, but the white light claimed Doyle for its own with a vengeance. He looked over at Cordelia; it was the last person he saw before he died. His skin vanished, and there was a skeleton left and then it too vanished.

There was nothing left of Doyle to have a funeral. Nothing at all, not even ashes. There could not be a funeral for her beloved Doyle. He had probably saved the lived of thousands and maybe millions of half-breeds by destroying the deadly machine, and they will never know of him. Cordelia hit Angel's punching bag. She instantly realized why he resorted to fighting when he's depressed. You could put all of the negative energy you're feeling into fighting and come out feeling nothing, or if you're lucky you feel better.

"Doyle was a fool." Cordelia said angrily as she punched the bag.

Angel sat in the corner not knowing how to handle situations like this and chose to remain quiet until now, "You don't mean that."

"You're right, I don't. It's just; things are finally settled between us, and these dim-witted pure breed fanatics have to ruin it for everyone." Cordelia babbled.

"I'm gonna help you get through this." Angel said rather meekly.

"The worst part about Doyle's death is having to live afterwards. We have to move on with our lives and get use to him not being here. I miss him so much." Cordy whispered into a pillow.

After about an hour Angel was on his way back to his office, "Are you sure you don't want me to stay?" Angel asked, his heart was pleading that she would be all right.

"I'm alright. Don't worry I'll be in for work tomorrow." She said with a chuckle. 

After Angel left Cordelia went back to watching the commercial again.

"So if you need saving come…come on down to our office were our rats are low." Doyle said on the videotape.

"Rates." Cordelia corrected him.

"It says rats." Doyle said as he defended himself on the tape.

"Doyle, I really did love you!" She shouted. She saw the phone sitting on the couch. She stopped the tape and picked it up, Cordelia automatically called Doyle's house. 

The answering machine picked up:

"Hey this is Doyle. If you're listening to this than I just stepped out. Leave a message after the beep." Doyle's honeyed accented voiced replied.

Cordelia wept into the phone, "I actually forgot for a second that you were dead." She quickly left the house.

She went for a walk and ended up at Doyle's apartment. She used a spare key to get in.

Cordelia grabbed one of Doyle's shirts and put it on; it smelt **EXACTLY** like him she thought heavy heartedly. She soon laid herself on Doyle's bed. She didn't care about anything else. She convinced herself that in the morning she would be ready to face the world, but for now she just wanted to mourn the lost of her good friend.

"I lost my one chance for love. He truly did love me." She thought sorrowfully, and with that she cried herself to sleep.


End file.
